


all i wanted was you

by seikou



Series: if you love me right (we fuck for life) [4]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coffee date, Fluff, M/M, Morning After, One Shot, Pining, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Unresolved Romantic Tension, jackson is sunshine, markjin relationship mentioned, other members of got7 mentioned only tbh, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 05:47:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5816512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seikou/pseuds/seikou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"he’d mostly accepted that his feelings were pointless like, who the hell falls for someone after hearing them sing? only jackson."</p>
<p>(or alternatively: jackson is pining and jaebum is, supposedly, not)</p>
            </blockquote>





	all i wanted was you

coming to south korea was refreshing. and frustrating. and depressing. jackson didn’t sign up for all those things but they clawed at his insides anyways, without any precaution and he was forced to deal with them for so long that he sometimes forgot how to breathe. studying at a foreign country wasn’t as exciting, after all.

until he saw _him_ and it was like all the air trapped inside his body released in one fell swoop. he could breathe again and jackson, since that time, had been pining for real. _real_ , got him?

he heard more than saw jaebum for the first time. it was on some university charity thing that he was dragged to by mark, a friend from his course, and when jaebum opened his mouth in front of hundreds of people, jackson was gone. he almost exploded and had to check if his insides were still intact. they were, definitely. he wasn’t so sure about his heart but he’d settled for clutching his chest just to make sure.

standing far from the stage and not focusing on what was happening at all - because he couldn’t even understand _shit_ , what was the point anyways - the then dark haired boy slowly turned his head and he saw _jaebum_. well, he didn’t know his name that time but jackson had the biggest desire to and suddenly his lungs failed to function again. he gulped and breathed in deeply, listening to jaebum’s voice sing some korean ballad song and it was heavenly. jaebum’s voice was amazing, why wasn’t he an idol?

after that, he asked mark all about the boy who owned that “godly voice”. yeah, jackson literally told mark that and the asshole looked at him like he’d grown an extra head but details.

mark, the awesome guy that he was, told jackson about _im jaebum_ : film major, taking a few music courses, anger management issues, sometimes liked to participate in underground bboying. how mark knew all that, jackson didn’t ask, too distracted in memorizing all those informations.

and since that time, he’d seen jaebum _everyfuckingwhere_ and jackson had gone from depressed and frustrated to depressed, frustrated, and annoyed at himself because after months of watching the guy from afar, he still hadn’t approached him. amazing, right?

one time he came with mark to meet his classmate and “friend” jinyoung - which jackson was sure was more than a friend but who was he to judge. at least mark had the balls to talk to jinyoung, unlike jackson - and he almost had a mini heart attack seeing jaebum standing there beside a guy who jackson guessed was jinyoung and he would’ve ran if it wouldn’t look rude.

“hi, jin. jae.” mark smiled at jinyoung and nodded to jaebum.

jinyoung smiled and jackson narrowed his eyes. yeah, more than friend. “mark, my man! ready to study? and who’s this?” he turned to jackson then, who was still wide eyed and rudely staring at jaebum because wow, those two twin moles above his left eye was irrationally attractive. the fuck.

mark jabbed him on the side. “this is jackson. that guy from hong kong i told you about. he’s not so good in korean yet so he sometimes talks in english.”

jackson snapped his head towards his friend and furrowed his brows before arranging his face into a pleasant expression and smiled widely at the boys in front of him. “hi! i’m jackson wang. nice to meet you jinyoung, jaebum!” he greeted, slightly nervous that he’d stutter while talking in korean, before realizing what he said and kicking himself at his slip. no one even introduced jaebum and how was he going to survive all the inquiries that would sure come, how was he going to live life, how--

a grunt forced his head up from bowing in humiliation and he saw jaebum busy with his phone, fingers working a mile a minute and he seriously just ignored jackson. he _ignored_ jackson and okay, _that hurt_. jackson couldn’t help but swallow the lump stuck in his throat. he forced himself to look and smile at jinyoung instead.

“nice to finally meet you, jackson.” jinyoung smiled back at him, expression in between amusement and apologetic, his eyes side-eyeing jaebum. jinyoung sighed. “jaebum’s just stressed for a project, don’t mind him.”

the dark haired boy shrugged nonchalantly like his heart hadn’t just cracked like some shitty broken glass. “it’s fine! i can relate.” he replied, bright smile forever intact.

and that was his first encounter with jaebum. two minutes of standing in front of someone he liked and jackson was ignored the whole time until jaebum left hastily with only a wave of goodbye for jackson to remember forever. meeting the guy without even properly meeting him. how was that even possible? jackson’s life was just tragic.

after that incident, he’d avoided the older guy so hard that he should be a spy. when mark tried to ask him to hang-out with jinyoung, he’d always declined, not only because the possibility that jaebum would be there was high but also, he was still so insecure with his korean skills and deep inside him, he was afraid he’d just get laughed at. again. so he stuck with his english speaking friends, and life went on peacefully.

peaceful with a hint of all the unrequited feelings he had and some. he still saw jaebum around and he still stared and he still pined and he was still miserable. and going to events where jaebum performed didn’t help at all. but he was getting better.

he’d mostly accepted that his feelings were pointless like, who the hell falls for someone after hearing them sing? only jackson. and only jackson would choke on his own spit at a party in the middle of talking animatedly because he just caught his crush dancing with some chick like they were going to bang then and there. jackson felt sick. but he blamed that on the two shots of vodka he took that night.

breathing in and closing his eyes, he faced his friends again who ignored him after he paused too long on telling his story. everyone was drunk and no one gave him any attention when he leaned against the wall and eyed jaebum who was busy burying his face on the girl’s neck. there goes jackson’s night.

if he was going to be honest, the rest of the night was a blur. a very vivid blur. because he remembered finally approaching jaebum, dancing _with_ jaebum and getting the older guy to take him home and wow, his dreams were nothing to reality. remembering it made goosebumps appear on his skin and it was the happiest jackson felt since coming to korea.

happiness was a very interesting thing though, appearing and disappearing in a flash of emotions, leaving the person empty and grasping for none.

the morning after, jaebum said, “i’ll buy you any kinds of coffee you want.” and jackson followed him like a dog because this was what he always wanted. and he wasn’t stuttering or being shy or god forbid, blushing like a teenage girl. he was normal witty, sassy, funny jackson and he basked in it.

hearing jaebum’s words though, while sitting in a café just a few blocks from jaebum’s apartment, stung. not only because he burned his tongue on his green tea but also because the words kept echoing inside his head.

“so, jackson.” jaebum started, lips tilted into a small smile and jackson couldn’t help but stare. “this is late but nice meeting you.”

jackson stopped staring. he looked down at his cup and thought, _three months late. you’re three months late._ instead he eyed the other once again and smiled, exclaiming, “that’s the only thing you’re going to say?! after last night?!” he pouted, eyes widening and looking like a kicked puppy. “no thank you? how incredibly _rude_.”

jaebum laughed loudly, mouth opened like some dinosaur and the blonde’s heart expanded, soaring to high heavens because he made jaebum _laugh_. and his laugh was great, amazing, made jackson feel warm.

“sorry, sorry.” jaebum finally replied, snickering. “thank you for last night although isn’t buying you green tea a thank you enough?” the older teased, an eyebrow raised.

wrinkling his nose, jackson rolled his eyes. “obviously not. who do you think i am?”

“jackson whom i still don’t know anything about.” jaebum answered the rhetorical question. well, jackson thought it _was_ rhetorical. “tell me about you. any friends i know since you were at that party?”

the blonde wanted to say, _mark. jinyoung. yugyeom. you know? same friends as yours?_ but jackson was a coward. always a coward when it came to jaebum. so he shrugged, fingers gripping his cup tightly. “i know namjoon. he’s friends with jimin.”

“hmm.” jaebum hummed and jackson just--, well, stared. he couldn’t stop staring because after this, they’d go their own way and jackson would, once again, avoid jaebum and their mutual friends. he thought he probably wouldn’t. sitting here with jaebum and talking to him in this relaxing atmosphere made him think that maybe jackson could finally pursue this guy. like, woo him and all that shebang. but jackson didn’t know what jaebum wanted and he was kind of lost which was seriously throwing him off. he wasn’t normally like this. he was brave; he came to a foreign country alone, didn’t he? but somehow, facing jaebum made his heart tighten and his lungs unable to function properly. it was hard to _breathe_ when he thought of the older guy.

“jackson.”

jaebum’s voice snapped him out of his internal panic. he blinked a couple of times at the other then murmured a, “huh?” before sipping his tea.

eyes still trained on jaebum, the blonde watched as brows furrowed and dark eyes studied him. he squirmed a little, self-conscious. “what were you thinking?” jaebum finally questioned.

jackson shrugged and smiled. “nothing much.” he replied. “you.” he added.

previously wrinkled brows shot up high and jaebum’s eyes sparkled with curiosity and amusement. “oh? like what?”

he thought, _like how i’m going to ask you on a date. like how we first met. like how scared i am right now. like hey wanna be my lover._ but before jackson could blurt out anything of those, jaebum fired him with teasing words.

“oh, like what we did last night?”

jackson crinkled his nose at him then rolled his eyes so hard he feared they won’t come back to the front. “yeah, of course. i’m thinking of how you could probably hit the gym and work on your stamina, huh, buddy?” jackson spat back, lips pulled into a cocky smirk.

jaebum snorted and rolled his eyes too. they could be the rolling-eyes couple, couldn’t they? they could. jackson entertained the thought, smiling widely.

their conversation was random. random questions, random answers, random movements. and jackson continues to drink from his cup of tea, the warm beverage soothing his insides. but then jaebum asked a question that hit too far home and jackson stiffened momentarily, mind berating himself for being such a _fuck up_.

the older commented, _"your korean is good but i hear an accent."_

and the blonde's mind provided in the span of the few seconds jaebum continued his sentence, _can’t_ _even speak korean right. why did you skip those lessons. you should’ve been there every time. you should’ve stayed in hong kong. go back, go back, go back._

jackson replied politely, albeit tightly but still open. he thanked god that he wasn’t tongue tied because that would just ruin him. he was already grasping on the tip of his self-esteem before falling into despair and he didn’t want to. no, he didn’t.

and they continued. jackson and jaebum. jaebum and jackson. talking, conversing, smiling, laughing. and it was animated. so _alive_ . jackson felt so _alive_ and he talked about his fencing, joking about how his footwork could be considered an art. he was _talking_ and jaebum listened. sometimes he paused to drink tea and eyeball jaebum like a madman, studying the older guy.

jaebum, he found out, was a man of few words. jaebum sat still and listened, sometimes humming to jackson’s inquiries and most of the time just staring back at jackson like he knew why jackson was staring at him intently. that made jackson slightly nervous. but most of the time , jaebum seemed distracted, like his mind was in another place and his face just shifts slightly to show he’d blanked out but jackson knew. after all, he’d memorized jaebum’s face long ago; expressions and all.

“namjoon was laughing at me!” jackson pouted at his cup, hands moving on his sides to express how namjoon was so _rude_. then jaebum cleared his throat, cutting jackson in his tirade.

he blinked at jaebum, curious. he parted his lips and mouthed a, “what?”

the other was acting strange. jackson suddenly felt like he was going to vomit the tea that he just finished drinking.

jaebum cleared his throat again and said in a cold, monotoned voice, “i need to go.” and jackson shattered.

he sat there, eyes on jaebum and he saw black and white spots. the feeling in his chest was mind-numbing and he wondered if he was going to die there. in front of jaebum.

die of heartbreak.

because what happened next was the most vivid nightmare about jaebum he’d ever witnessed. he didn’t know how or even when he flew out of the café but the biting cold was welcoming and jackson left his ruined pieces behind with jaebum.

he didn’t need them anyway. he didn’t need them in the first place.

and all of a sudden, everything was _so dull_.

_so grey. and it was still hard to breathe._

 

***

 

they said silence was virtue. the silence that engulfed jackson when he came back to his room was deafening but he could hear his heart beat a steady rhythm, telling him that he was still alive. despite his mini heartbreak.

and that was how he went on. despite telling jaebum that he was going to call and return the older’s clothes, jackson never got to doing it. not only was he busy with fencing but university was also kicking his ass. he didn’t have any time. _he swears he didn’t, okay._

_i’m busy_ , he thought as he laid in bed, eyes trained on jaebum’s clothes folded on the end of his bed.

three days had passed since their coffee date, four since the moment they properly met, and three months, two weeks, five days since their one-sided meeting.

jackson wasn’t counting, he was just aware of time.

and three days had passed when jaebum suddenly appeared in front of his dorm room, face sheepish but deep voice, that made jackson long for the man, apologetic and determined at the same time.

“jackson.”

one word and jackson was gone. _so, so gone_.

**Author's Note:**

> yes, finally done tweaking this. i spent like so long editing and shit ugh. idk. it's hard to grasp jackson's mind, yanno? bc he's such a loud child and you'll think he's got no worries so i wanted to delve into the unseen. it's still easier to write jb's pov but jackson's is really interesting. also, i hope i didn't miss anything from the prev events connected to this story ;a; we done with no rated shit. we gonn go back to sinning soon. yassssss. so, anyways! i really hope yall like this sobs ;a;


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